New Year’s Resolutions Need Skills, Not Willpower
It all begins with an idea. Maybe you waAs you head into the weekend, three weeks into 2026, how are you feeling about life and all those New Year’s resolutions? Is it still the "this year will be different" stuff? Are you still feeling hopeful that your list of desires will come to fruition – or are you already starting to feel nervous that it’s all just too hard?
Let me tell you why: your unresolved past wounds are playing a role here.
I have a prime example. Catching up with an old friend recently, she was declaring how this year would "finally" be different. She ended 2025 impatient for it all to be over so she could start again. She was verbose about how much she hated her job, despised her boss, and how much grinding away in a toxic environment had impacted her health.
Yet, year after year, she finds a reason to justify why she stays.
I’ve listened to her repeat the same narrative for years. She complains about her health, her stress-induced insomnia, and her inability to detach from a place that is clearly breaking her. Every part of this job is juxtaposed to who she believes she is as a person. Yet every January, she produces an incredible list of resolutions. And like clockwork, by the end of February, that list is out the window.nt to launch a business. Maybe you want to turn a hobby into something more. Or maybe you have a creative project to share with the world. Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.
Don’t worry about sounding professional. Sound like you. There are over 1.5 billion websites out there, but your story is what’s going to separate this one from the rest. If you read the words back and don’t hear your own voice in your head, that’s a good sign you still have more work to do.
Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.
The "New Year, New Me" Script
We’ve all seen the list. Maybe you’ve written it too? The top five of a lengthy list usually look like this:
I’m going to sign up for a gym or Pilates studio.
I’m going to stop getting involved in office drama.
I’m going to stop unhealthy choices and start kindness-based living (and stop drinking so much!).
I’m going to update my resume and find a new career.
I’m going to have a more positive outlook.
I wanted to ask her – not in judgement, but with genuine curiosity – "How? What is actually going to be different this year?" If there is a consistent pattern of desire followed by a fallback into misery, destructive habits, or numbing out, we have to look at the gap. We have to look at the "Why."
The Dopamine Trap
You see, my friend, the clock striking midnight doesn't spontaneously morph you into a superhuman. Those fireworks were a hit of dopamine, not a magical infusion of resilience. You aren't suddenly impervious to your triggers, and you haven’t magically inherited a supply of shiny new skills and boundaries that you’ve never deployed before.
We have become a race of clones following the delusion that we can become different people in the sixty seconds between 11:59 pm and 12:01 am. The New Year resolution is a commercialised fad – marketing hype designed to sell gym memberships and lifestyle packages that most people won't keep past March.
This brand of "hope" is just another temporary high. It’s a distraction from what is actually driving the angst, the exhaustion, and the unsatisfied state we finished the year with. Willpower is not your answer. The notion that you can simply "will" massive life changes into existence without new tools is a setup for failure.
The New Year, The Old You
The uncomfortable truth is this: the person who fell asleep on New Year’s Eve – with all the layers and complexities of your past, and all the triggers you automatically react to – is the exact same person you are in the light of day.
Midnight doesn't dissolve your history. You are still carrying the way you respond to stress, the way you "give to get" acceptance, and the way you people-please just to feel seen or loved. You are still carrying the lack of boundaries that drives you into the ground at work, mentally and physically.
When you don’t trust yourself or live by your values, you make choices from a place of deficit. You follow the crowd to feel part of something, rather than exiting to be true to yourself. And when the noise in your head gets too loud? You lean on temporary highs to numb it.
I’m talking about the real stuff you do behind closed doors. The masks you deploy to silence the internal noise. Maybe it’s normalised in your peer group, maybe you hide it – but the reality is: you do it. These are the elements that keep you stuck. These are the elements that stop you from consistently evoking change.
The Architecture of the Struggle
To understand why my friend stays in a toxic job and numbs herself daily, we have to look at the architecture of her past. She grew up in a financially secure, middle-class home that was emotionally bankrupt – a place where "performance" mattered more than "presence." With a father who ruled through a volatile mix of charm and generosity followed by explosive impatience and harsh commentary, and a passive, enabling mother who escaped through daily drinking, my friend was never truly seen.
As the third child, she learned to play a role just to survive the family dynamic, leaving no room for her authentic self to exist. Being sent to boarding school at twelve wasn't an education; it was an exile – the ultimate act of emotional neglect that cemented her belief that she was "too much," and yet, somehow, "not enough."
Today, that neglected child is an adult living with extreme, baseline anxiety and a total vacuum of self-confidence. She isn’t drinking daily because she’s weak; she is doing it to quiet the inner critic that tells her she will never measure up. The toxic workplace mirrors her upbringing, and she stays because she is subconsciously trying to "change the ending" – over-extending herself to finally win the validation she lacked at home. She lacks the self-trust to apply for a new career because her internal compass was broken long ago. This isn't a willpower problem – it is a survival strategy for a woman operating from a childhood narrative written decades ago.
The Cycle: Event, Behaviour, Consequence
To change your life, you have to understand the mechanics of how you live it. Most people are living on autopilot, trapped in an automatic loop:
The Event (The Trigger): Something happens – a comment from a friend or boss, a look from a partner – that awakens an emotional state rooted in your past.
The Behaviour: To avoid that feeling, you engage in temporary highs and numbing habits that distract you from what’s going on inside.
The Consequence: The fallout. The self-doubt. The inner critic. The energy hangover, the health debt, the exhaustion, and the soul-crushing realisation that you are still exactly where you started.
When you live an "automatic" life, you aren't conscious. You aren't trusting yourself. You are simply reacting. To break this, you need a specific skill: the ability to see the trigger coming a mile away and stay grounded enough to choose your behaviour, rather than letting your past choose it for you.
Moving from that state of reaction back to a state of calm isn't about luck; it’s about having a toolkit that works when the storm hits. Learning to hold yourself accountable for the choices you make when you are triggered isn't a personality trait – it’s about building a new set of skills. And, if you’re up for it, that’s what I’ll help you become comfortable with.
Making Change – Building The Skills
To bridge the gap between where you are and the life that is waiting for you, we build ten fundamental pillars of change. These are the "missing" life skills they don’t teach us – from Future-Self Mapping and Values Design to mastering Grounding Techniques and Uncompromising Self-Trust.
This isn't just theory; it is a practical roadmap designed to take you from autopilot reaction to grounded control. I teach you how to master these tools so you can finally break the cycle and stay in the driver’s seat. If you’re ready to see the full framework of the ten building blocks and start the work, get in touch.
If you want to learn more about how to bridge the gap between your reality and your Future Self by building a new set of skills, get in touch, I’d love to hear from you.
Your Change Starts Here
I say this through a great deal of personal experience: none of this is easy. None of it. But it is all so worth the process of exploration to get you to where you want to be.
If you would like to make a start with the first skill – working out who your Future Self is and what her life looks like – get in touch. I have the tools to help you navigate that. The rest? I teach you all of it in my three-part series, The Change Experience, and within my 1:1 coaching partnerships.
Let’s get you back in the driver’s seat. It’s going to be a great year.
The Change Experience: Heal Your Past. Transform Your Today.
The First Step: Start your journey home to yourself with Project Clarity – the essential first book in The Change Experience series. Available now on Amazon or click the link.
Working With Me: Enquiries for 1:1 Coaching and 2026 Immersions at The Eden Room are now open. My coaching practice will reopen in February. Email: Fe@fleurelizabeth.com
To follow along on Instagram: @fleurelizabethcoach
