Trust Series: Do What You Say You Do
The promises you don’t keep are breaking your trust.
How many times have you said, "I’m going to do this..." and then just... didn't?
Well, my friend, the process of building authentic trust with yourself also means paying much closer attention to the promises you make – and understanding the consequences when you don’t keep them.
Your brain only knows it can trust you through evidence and action. When you follow through on what you say you’re going to do – even the tiny things, and even if the results aren't exactly what you hoped – you create a narrative of reliability. This is how you build a bedrock of self-trust and begin erasing those old, heavy narratives that say, "I can't be trusted."
You know exactly what I’m talking about:
The times you’ve been pissed off and said, "Right, I’m never doing that again," only to fall back into the old pattern by Tuesday.
The time your boss was a nightmare and you swore, "I’m updating my CV the second I'm through this project," but the project ended and the CV is still a blank page.
Or looking in the mirror and saying, "I don’t like what I see; I need to lose weight," only for the diet to last 48 hours because a trigger sent you straight back to comfort eating.
The "Friday night only" drinking rule that turns into a binge to make up for the glasses you "missed" during the week.
Or when a partner lets you down – telling you what you want to hear just to get you onside – and you say, "I'm worth more than this, I'm done." But you stay. Or you leave in a rage, only to go back.
Here is the truth: When you don't follow through on the words you speak out loud, you are teaching your brain that you cannot be trusted.
By failing to act, you are providing the evidence your brain needs to keep hold of the old narratives and keep you stuck. This is where those unwanted behaviours take over, because "Automatic You" knows that "Conscious You" isn't actually going to change anything. Why? Because you don’t trust yourself.
My friend, your words matter. What you say to yourself matters. Building another layer of trust is about becoming surefooted – making sure your actions match what comes out of your mouth.
The Bedrock Questions: Your Personal Sense-Checker
Before you make another promise to yourself, use these questions to assess how ready, willing, and able you are to make a change that actually sticks. Because, let's face it: a promise to act is almost always about introducing change, right?
What fuels your deepest desire for this change? Is this something you truly want for your authentic self? Can you live by this choice based on your own values?
How will you invite this change in? What would it feel like for this to become a part of your daily routine – a new, lived habit?
On a scale of 0 to 10, how confident are you? How sustainable does this feel right now? Do you actually have the resources and time to nurture this change, or are you just adding more stress to your plate?
What are the barriers? Who or what might get in your way or distract you? Knowing the "potholes" in the road helps you navigate them with clarity.
How will you celebrate? Rewarding yourself is a powerful tool. It’s how we tell our brains that life is getting better and that this new way of being is worth the effort.
These questions are essential life skills to keep the door to change wide open. They help you trust that you can make conscious choices to create a happier, more peaceful life. This is how you make those promises stick.
NOTE: If you are not ready to do any of this, just don’t make a promise of change until you are ready to do the work. Protecting your trust is more important than making a hollow promise.
Let this sink in. And remember: Always read your answers out loud. Let your brain hear the words so it can start to believe what you are saying.
Talk soon,
Fleur Elizabeth x
