Acceptance For Who You Are - Trusting Your Skills
The Building Blocks of Trust - Part Two
Whilst my technology failed me and didn’t post this blog over Easter, our Trust building blocks hit a snag – so here we are, back on our journey of learning how to trust ourselves. Today, I wanted to take the acceptance chat a little deeper and look squarely at you.
If the first step was acknowledging our history, this second part of Acceptance is about looking at the person deep inside – all her colours, her imperfections, her shadows, and all those parts we usually hide away.
For those of us navigating the aftermath of trauma, unresolved wounds, or unmet childhood needs, we often live in a strange paradox: we can feel both "too big" and "too small" at the same time.
On one hand, we carry low self-worth – a quiet belief that we aren't truly enough. To compensate, we become "outwardly big." We make ourselves the "magnificent helper" to ensure we are seen, fixing and doing until we feel the world rests squarely on our shoulders. But can you see the control in that? It’s a shield we use because, ultimately, we haven't learned how to accept the person we are when we aren't performing.
The Gracious Helper vs. The Little Girl
To build real self-trust, we have to make space for the truth. We have to be realistic: it needs your focus and your energy. You have to relinquish the need to be the world's fixer and turn that "magnificent" energy inward. It is the "little girl" inside you who needs to be seen and validated – not for how much she can achieve, but for what she survived.
When you grow up in an environment where your needs were sidelined, being "busy" became your license to exist. But now, your role is to give yourself permission to be seen for who you really are: a vulnerable person who has needs of her own. It’s not a question of "Can I let these other people down?" It’s a question of "Can I allow myself to be seen by me?"
The Crunchy Reality of the "Inside" Work
Accepting myself in my forties was a colourful affair – and I’ll admit, rather "crunchy" at times. Admitting there were parts of myself I was not proud of was tough. Unpleasant tasting, and kind of ugly. I won't lie.
I had to face the fact that my "selfless service" was often just a desperate bid for the acceptance I never had as a child. I lived several lives, sometimes even before lunch. I was the yin to my own yang – untouchable and carefree on the outside, impervious. I thought I was fabulous, with a heart of gold, always wanting to help.
But the truth was quite different. The shiny, fun woman sipping a social martini or two at the bar was a veneer. It was a mask. Behind closed doors, I struggled with my relationship with alcohol to numb the pain of what I was denying. I definitely tested the theory that you can outrun yourself with alcohol. You can’t.
Eventually, I had to stop running. I had to get to know my "parts" – the triggers, the automatic behaviours, and the costs. I had to accept myself for what I thought I’d done wrong, the areas of my life that didn’t go as planned, and the relationships where I held all the blame for their demise. I accepted that I did everything I knew how to do at the time, and that – now, with my adult eyes – was okay. I can’t change what happened. I just needed to accept it.
Fact vs. Fiction: The Narrative Shift
I had to go through a process of fact-checking. Every time a "shitty" thought about myself came up, I would challenge it: "Is this fact or fiction?" Most of the time, it was just the old shame I carried from childhood that created those untruths. By challenging those narratives, I arrived at my Future Self – the woman I visualised when I started this journey: a woman liberated, feeling worthy, and loving herself for every inch of her being.
Every night, before I go to sleep, I say, "I love you, Fleury." Every single night. No matter what I’ve done or what has happened that day. This woman I am holding within is more than enough. I think she is beautiful, and she gets more beautiful every day. She is the love of my life, you see, and nothing can take that away from me.
Rewiring for Evolution
If I can do this, my friend, so can you. Your brain doesn't know the difference between real and imagined – it believes what you repeat. Your thoughts shape your feelings, your feelings drive your actions, and your actions become your identity.
This is why I always ask you to read my questions out loud. It’s not just an exercise; it’s a powerful rewiring. When you allow your brain to hear your own words, it begins to believe the new data. You are literally taking control of the narrative. When you visualise that you do trust yourself, that you do accept yourself, you are rewiring for a new evolution: a quiet, confident, and capable version of you.
Your Transformation Exercise
I want you to take a pen and paper. Look at the questions below, write your answers, and then – this is the most important part – read your answers out loud. Let your own brain hear your words - what your adult truth is today.
The Hidden Parts: What are the specific parts of your character or your past that you have ignored because you felt shame or embarrassment? (Be honest – the adult you is safe now).
The Acceptance: How would it feel to look those parts in the eye today and say, "I see you, and I accept that you did what you knew how to do at the time to help us survive"?
Fact vs. Fiction: What is the Fact about who you are today, and the Future Self you are becoming?
My friend, trust the process, Read your response out loud. Listen to your voice. This is how you connect to your self, trust your choices, your power. This is how you build trust.
So, Here is My Message:
Accept who you are. Gather all the information you hold inside about these different parts of yourself and acknowledge them. Give them a name if you want to, but give them form. Allow yourself to admit that whatever happened, you did what you knew how to do at the time—and that is okay.
Acceptance is a powerful tool. I want you to go back and re-read my previous blog on it, then read this one again. When you truly accept your history, you begin to see the "why" behind your actions. You start to see the pattern. You can see that when you were triggered, you acted in a certain way, and the consequences were X, Y, and Z.
Rather than berating yourself for the cost of those consequences, you can finally say, "Okay, I see what happened. I understand why I did that."
With this newfound self-awareness, you gain the power of choice. The next time you’re triggered, or a familiar scenario from your past plays out, you can choose a different path. You can trust your choices now because they are conscious, not automatic. You can trust that you are making a healthier decision to step away from the chaos, the messiness, or the people-pleasing that depletes your energy.
You can finally choose what your needs are. You can trust that it’s perfectly okay to choose you.
Aww. Now, isn’t that a lovely place to be? Sit with that for a while. See how it feels in your body.
Talk soon,
Fleur Elizabeth x
